Cow-pocalypse Crate

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Unleash The Meat

“Less is more” is a nice adage when discussing smooth jazz and abstract art, but when applied to cured meats, the “less is more” argument collapses faster than a vegetarian attempting powersquats at the gym. 

With artisan beef jerky, more is clearly more, and it’s about time the insatiable carnivores of the world stop receiving the short end of the Slim Jim. 

Everything In Meat-eration

Gone are the days of choosing between quality and quantity. The Cow-pocalypse Crate suckerpunches this dualistic fallacy with twelve arrogant packs of drool-inducing beef jerky. To ensure supreme flavor of the highest order, we’ve undergone the same strict hand-selection process as the Slaughterhouse Crate, but this time we used both hands when grabbing from the mountain of marinated perfection. 

With this much sheer meat poundage, you can live recklessly. Toss it all into a cow-shaped Protein Pinata and let it rain down like a meatier shower, fill a swimming pool with it and dive in a la Scrooge McDuck, or go the conservative route and consume it all in one sitting in preparation for winter hibernation. The Cow-pocalypse Crate truly makes dreams come true. 

So sharpen those incisors and shimmy into your stretchy pants, because the Cow-pocalypse Crate is bringing enough meaty deva-taste-ion to give a T-Rex heartburn. 

In the Box